I love supporting other writers and ideas that are exploding my mind. This piece by Esther Houston, is one that I can't get out of my head and I hope helps reshape some of my "guilty mom" syndrome. - JM
Original Post by Esther Houston on Hillsong Collective
Being a mother brings out stuff you never knew you had inside of you. An ability to love that you never thought possible before, a level of selflessness you had never experienced before, a grade of sleeplessness you never thought one could survive before. But we love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world.
We would change everything about it but yet, change nothing at all.
What does that even mean? I’m not really sure, but that’s how I feel.
I’m sure the majority of moms share the sentiment, even though many would be too afraid to admit it and end up sounding like a “bad mom”. So here you go. I’m saying it first so that you can understand that you, dear friend, are not alone; and feeling like that from time to time doesn’t make you a bad mom.
If the single defining characteristic of iconic good motherhood is self-abnegation, her child’s needs come first and their health and happiness are her primary concern. They occupy all her thoughts, her day is constructed around them, and anything and everything she does is for their sakes.
Her own needs, ambitions, and desires are relevant ONLY when in relation to theirs. If a good mother takes care of herself, it is only to the extent that she doesn’t hurt her children. A good mom MUST be able to figure out how to find time for herself, but only if it’s without detriment to her child’s feelings of self-worth.
How is any of that even achievable?
Being a good father is a reasonable and attainable goal. You show up, you support, you’re physically there (when you can), you provide. I think I’m a MUCH better father than I am a mother.
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Do you feel the struggle? How do you handle the good mom vs bad mom mindset?