**Hi friends! I am on vacation until July 15th. Til then you're in the hands of some of my best friends. See ya in a week!** -JM
Myth #3: Marriage is for Our Happiness
No. It's not. It’s for your holiness.
Why do we get married to begin with? B/c we are “in love?” B/C we can’t see ourselves living with out that person? B/C “Jack” or “Jill” is your soul mate? All great reasons. But here’s the truth: if we make this mentality our worldview, we can prepare for disappointment, unfulfilled expectations and eventually looking to others (outside of our spouse) for happiness. The great thing about marriage is that God desires us to be married! However, in every relationship we are expected to love one another, encourage one another, not to judge one another, we’re to be kind to one another…the list of “one another’s” continues. My very first lesson in marriage: the hardest thing about it is yourself. Once you get married and your spouse is requesting something of you, which you absolutely despise, hate or just never imagined yourself to ever have to be in that situation of considering the task, then what?
Newlyweds Jack and Jill have one day off together and she desires to be @ that happiest place on earth, Disney Land. Jack is a little more audacious and would much rather go to Magic Mountain. But Jill hates roller coasters and Jack hates mice. And Tea cups, not too much of a fan of princesses either. Seems like no big deal, but when you’re actually in this moment, it can make or break the entire day together. Who wins? Who yields to each other?
Fast forward 5 years and Jill is pregnant with baby #2, planning on having her tubes tied after her delivery. Jack wants @ least 2 more kids. Who wins? Who yields to each other? This can make or break the entire marriage, not to mention a hormonal pregnant woman.
Similar struggles are bound to occur in every marriage…until death do you part. Jill would be ecstatic, spending her time @ the happiest place on earth, but in turn, this would cost Jack his anticipation and his hopes of spending his time elsewhere. Here we have a situation where one person wins, and the other loses their excitement and delight of a day well spent.
Solution: Holiness. Somebody here in the amusement park drama gets to choose to be selfless and yield their desires to the other. Someone here is going to have to chose to humble themselves in order to make the other happy. But this solution is not easy, especially in the daily mundane tasks of marriage—not least when you feel that you are continually giving and giving and never receiving back. But we know that the Bible does in fact tell us holiness isn’t easy and will always be challenging through this pursuit.
Nowhere in the Bible are we told we are going to be happy in marriage. Quite the opposite: we are told that in all relationships we are to be humble with one another, love one another, encourage one another, we’re not to lie to one another and if we do are we are to forgive one another…the list continues here.
We’re actually not really told how we should be feeling about a relationship, just how we should be reacting towards people. These exhortations are challenging just to read, but practicing them daily is a challenge. Trying to practice them daily with your spouse whom you feel has wronged you in some area…you then really begin to see how selfish you are.
God’s grace is sufficient for us in our weakness through our attempt of pursuing holiness.