In high school I told God I'd throw out my long list of "Future Husband Needs" if he'd give me just 3 things.
A man who loved (or at least appreciated) music.Because, obvs.
A man who was born to lead strong.Because, well, we all know me.
A man with unmatched compassion.Because, I come with a lot of overstuffed baggage.
On the original list I had hair color, eye color, freckle frequency, jobs, dreams, aspirations, height and anything else you could think of to make finding a spouse nearly impossible. And every guy I dated, post-list-trim, was a variation of these three, but none got all of them. I was honestly beginning to think he didn't exist.
And then I met Tyson.
Our love story is a soap-opera you can read at other places on this blog. We don't have enough time or coffee or pasta to get through it all right now.
But the nugget version is: the first time I actually got to know Tyson, it scared me. It scared me because he was what I'd begun giving up hope actually existed.
I'll never forget the day my mom came home from grocery shopping. I'd just broken up with a guy weeks earlier and was coming out of the funk of heartbreak. As we were unloading the groceries from the trunk of my hand-me-down '83 tan Volvo, she commented on the love song that was playing when she got in.
It was Realize, by Colbie Caillat.
"Who's that song about?" She asked. But the "Mom Ask," like she already knows the answer...
"What? What song?" I replied, honestly having no idea what she was talking about.
"The song in your car. It's about a girl discovering that the one for her has been there all along."
"Oh gosh mom. It's just a song." I probably threw some attitude over the giant wall I'd been building.
"Well," she said as I followed her up the white steps of our big yellow farm house, "maybe it's telling you something." We set our handful of groceries down and she looked me dead in the eyes with that look only Mamas can give.
"I know you. And this is you. You're finally yourself again."
I knew what she was alluding to. I didn't want to, but I did.
Tyson was all three of my non-negotiables I'd been negotiating on.
I'd spent so much time conceding to the fact that my dreams were too high and my needs too deep. I fell in love a couple times, with good men who seemed to fit a version of the mold.
I'd been living in a slowly growing conflict between love and life. Battling between the pressure of other's expectations and the still small voice God has placed in my heart.
For a while, I couldn't tell a difference between the two.
But when I was with Tyson, it was like my heart was at rest. There was no angst with him. No questions, no insecurity. I was me.
That day was a turning point for me. #tysonshouldsendmymommoreflowers
I didn't even realize the conflict had affected the fabric of me until she'd pointed it out.
Isn't that crazy? Our biggest life decisions often get made in the seclusion of our own minds.
That can't be healthy for us.
- "Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?" Job 12:12
- "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." James 1:5
- "Where there is no counsel, plans fail; but in a multitude of counselors they are established." Proverbs 15:22
So Dear Single / Dating Friends, ask for insight into your love life and make sure the one you choose lets you be you. You won't regret it.
Dear Mom & Dad, thanks for being bold and inserting your heart and love in ways I could hear them.
Dear Mentors, thank you for speaking into our marriage and cheering us on into these 8 years.
Dear Tyson, thanks for being everything I needed. Thanks for being relentless in your love for me. Thank you for not completing me as a half to a half, but rather, doubling our potency by powering up. Thank you for leading me, even when you feel like it's useless. Thank you for being patient and compassionate with me always.
With you, I'm me.
Ps. Fun fact, Tyson also met the pre-trimmed list. Funny how God works like that sometimes.