I packed our bag while my one year old was well into her first nap of the day.
God, I prayed aloud, can I have an extra measure of grace this weekend?
I was feeling tired, having just recovered from a 24 hour flu bug and the mere thought of walking through security with my toddler made me want to get back in bed.
But it came. The grace came in floods and flurries at the right moments.
I knew this weekend would be tough for Baby Girl Mo, seeing new people and new places. People that knew her and her story, but faces she wouldn't recognize. So I did my best to walk her through who each person was. But "This is 'so and so'," was only good for so long before her little body started pressing further into mine with uncertainty and anxiety.
I knew her sleep schedule would be off, so I did my best to compensate with extra naps and "down time" away from the crowds and gatherings.
However, what I never anticipated was how off balanced she became every day we were away from her Daddy.
With each day that passed, she became more and more emotionally unsettled. There was a sense of fear that overcame her every time I walked out of the room. (A girl's gotta pee at some point!)
Initially, I couldn't figure out what was going on. But on about the third night, Tyson sent us a video of him singing to her and she instantly lit up! She was beaming from ear to ear and giggling through the familiar song she's heard a thousand times.
As the video ended, she turned to me with a look of worry and a whimpering tone to play it again and it hit me.
She needs her Daddy! She misses his love and affection. She needs to be held by him. There was an ache in her for his presence and she didn't know how to identify it.
Right now, her sense of balance and security rests largely on the presence and love of her Daddy.
It occurred to me how very real this need is, not only in my daughter's life, but in mine as well. (And maybe yours too?)
I need my Heavenly Father, everyday or else I get off balanced and unsettled.
I get worrisome and fearful when I cannot remember how strong and safe my Father is.
There is sometimes an ache in me that I can't identity until I've spent time in the love and song and presence of my heavenly Father.
There is peace in His presence. There is joy in His presence. There is balance and understanding in His presence. There is freedom in His presence.
Whatever you need right now, it can be found in His presence. It may not all be tangible, but it's there. The wisdom, the direction, the breath, the life. It's there.
Sym and I were only gone a total of five days. Not that long. But I'll tell you what, I ain't never taking her away from her Daddy for that long ever again.
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What do you need right now?
Is there an unidentifiable ache in your soul?
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My Momma use to write verses on index cards and stick them around my life, my room, my car etc. Here are some verses you can stick around your space to remind you to press into God's presence every moment of everyday.
You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.
One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.
Have not I commanded you? Be strong, vigorous, and very courageous. Be not afraid, neither be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
And behold, I am with you and will keep (watch over you with care, take notice of) you wherever you may go, and I will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done all of which I have told you.
I am the Vine; you are the branches. Whoever lives in Me and I in him bears much (abundant) fruit. However, apart from Me [cut off from vital union with Me] you can do nothing.
I will bless the Lord, Who has given me counsel; yes, my heart instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord continually before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.