Early on in this pregnancy, I met a woman in line at a coffee shop. We got to chatting about our favorite beverages, which led to where we're from, and then our family life. Only a handful of people knew we were expecting at this point, but I thought, I'm probably never gonna see this woman again and she definitely won't post it on Facebook.
Sure enough, she asked, "So do you and your husband have any kids?" I smiled, both in my heart and my face and replied, "Actually, we're expecting our first next Summer."
She squealed, as only a woman can do, offering her congratulations and typical banter of inquisitions. How far, are you excited, etc. And then her face got serious. She gave me a wink and said words I didn't know would ring so true so quickly:
"Welcome to Motherhood sweetie, you'll never sleep through the night again."
There are days when I relish in the miracle that is growing inside me. I weep with gratitude that God trusted me with a little someone to raise and love and shepherd.
And then sometimes I weep in pain because of the pinched nerve in my back or because I've been laying awake for 3 hours because I can't get comfortable as a recovering stomach sleeper.
And then, then there are days when I weep out of fear. Sheer and terrorizing fear that something is wrong. It's just in my head, I attempt to console myself. You have no reason to think anything is wrong, I argue. But still, something sits in my worry wart brain and nags.
I don't want to be a mother who worries her way through her children's lives. But I understand that is a very real part of motherhood. It's the tension I've watched other mothers, and my own, struggle through.
When is it "a mother's intuition" and when is it "a mother's fear for her children"?
How do you tell the difference?
Ultimately, my hope and my faith is in my God. It is He who gives and takes, who plans and purposes. Ty and I have been through the valley before and if we walk it again, we won't be shaken.
But I have yet to sleep through the night.
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***The wonderful thing about being a new momma is the wisdom pool of experienced mothers around you. Prior to computer and the world wide web, women still had each others backs. From baby showers and hospital visits, to midwives and doulas, women have always supported women in the area of motherhood.
Thursdays here on The Girl that Sings are specifically for that. I need you and your passionate opinions and experiences. Just remember to be respectful. Bring on the comment conversations.